My testimony.
I could spend a long time writing WHERE I have came from.
All the bad stuff.
All the sin.
All the burdens.
All the storms I have been through.
But, It’s not nearly as impressive as what God has healed, delivered and restored in me.
It’s not my mess that shines and should take up this testimony, but what God did for someone like me.
Before Jesus.
I was good.
Like really really good.
I almost fooled myself I was so good.
The mask I wore daily felt more real than the storm brewing in my heart and head.
an ok althlete, good grades, great family, fun personality, outgoing, sort of popular… yeh, I had them fooled that I had it altogether.
I remember that mask.
I wore it for years.
From High School, I took it with me to College. And than graduated with a degree in denial.
Who was I fooling?
I was in a battle.
I was so tired from fighting the….
Depression. that mad me sad and lonely and frozen in insecurities
Self Hatred. that made envious of others and embarrassed of who I was
Thoughts of suicide. I felt I didn’t deserve to live, I was too stressed out, I wanted it to end
Eating Disorder. that made me hate my appearance and shameful of my secret
Anxiety. that made me worry, not sleep and obsess with the unknown
A fear of man. that kept me small, feeling inferior and intimidated by everything bigger than me
SHAME. that was the heaviest of all and it kept me in a dark and lonely place
= A. Total. Mess.
—-
These issues kept brewing and came to a pinnacle as soon as I graduated from college. It should have been a great time in my life, to have a degree in hand. But I was wrecked in failure and fear because I had no idea what I wanted to do next. I moved home and sunk deep into months of depression.
I stayed in bed.
Watched tv.
Until one day that fall…
…. a storm came.
A real big storm.
A hurricane as a matter of fact.
Her name=Katrina.
Her victim=1,000′s
Even though I was in Ohio, there was a great stirring in my belly and sadness for those down south.
While watching TV from my bed.
Sobbing while watching the horror on the news…
It was the first time I heard God speak to me.
God said to me…
“Go”
“Get Up”
“And just Go”
And so I went.
Not knowing what I was going to do or how I was going to do it.
I packed some clothes, a bible and my friend and I were on our way to the devastation in Southern Louisiana with other Red Cross volunteers.
During the plane ride there, I was sure God was going to use me for something. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know His word or promises well enough. I felt so unprepared to do any work in His name.
While I was there, the best thing that happened to me was this man named Sam.
He and his mother lost everything and they were staying in the shelter we were running.
He helped me prepare meals. He helped prepare my heart.
He taught me how to make a “rue” and peach cobbler from scratch.
He prayed over and blessed the food before each meal.
He was such a joy to my friend Kati and I.
I thought I had came to help him and bring him hope of some sort..
But, as God would have it, Sam would end up bringing ME hope and eventually to the Lord.
Before all of this…
I knew God,
I had Him “in my heart” growing up.
I went to Sunday School when I was young.
I prayed sometimes.
I read the bible sometimes.
Said “yes” to Jesus in High School.
So I assumed I was “saved.”
But, when I began to spiral into a hurricane of sin from about 16 on…
and thought God wasn’t proud of me and He probably didn’t like me very much.
—
While working in this shelter after Katrina.
The news came on and said there was another hurricane coming.
That day after dinner, right before the next Hurricane was coming that night, God used a man who literally had nothing left to give…. he literally had nothing but the clothes on his back ….
And used him to open the door and allow me to have everything I’d ever need.
As we prayed together that night, after washing the tables in our kitchen area, I asked God to come into my heart and save me from my storm.
That night I went to bed, not knowing if this next hurricane would kill us or blow over— but confident for the first time in my life, If the Lord took me tonight— that I would surly be going HOME.
From then on its been a roller coaster.
Of highs and lows.
Loving the Lord doesnt make life instantly perfect and bad things stop happening to you…
It just makes going through life’s storms easier.
I can truly say that God has delivered me and set me free.
Soon after the Katrina Relief, back in Ohio, with new joy in my heart…
God began lifting my anxiety, gave me confidence… and He gave me a job, a career, Christian mentors, income and a future.
ahhh.
I started to breathe again.
He took my burdens.
I could walk straight again.
With my head held high.
No more shame.
No more guilt.
No more eating disorder.
I saw myself as He does.
Beloved.
Beautiful and created in His image.
Self Hatred.
Gone.
Depression.
Buh-bye.
And then, he filled me to the top…
with His JOY
His PEACE
His REASSURANCE
His LOVVVVE.
I am FORGIVEN and FREEEEEE.
aww man.
I am blown away by His unending love and affection for me.
I can’t even put into words of what the feeling of FREEDOM feels like.
Or what it feels like to be just rocked by the Holy Spirit and filled this joy.
But… that is what I pray for you.
–
Are you ready to give it up?
Give up all the sadness, hurt, anger and shame?
And receive a better gift in return?
You can and you deserve it.
If God could save a wretch like me than He surly will set YOU free–
Just ask Him 
Be Blessed!
Isaiah 61 (The Message)
Isaiah 61
Announce Freedom to All Captives
1-7 The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—
and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness”
planted by God to display his glory.
They’ll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They’ll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
and foreigners to work your fields,
But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,”
honored as ministers of our God.
You’ll feast on the bounty of nations,
you’ll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
and your joy go on forever.8-9“Because I, God, love fair dealing
and hate thievery and crime,
I’ll pay your wages on time and in full,
and establish my eternal covenant with you.
Your descendants will become well-known all over.
Your children in foreign countries
Will be recognized at once
as the people I have blessed.”10-11I will sing for joy in God,
explode in praise from deep in my soul!
He dressed me up in a suit of salvation,
he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo
and a bride a jeweled tiara.
For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers,
and as a garden cascades with blossoms,
So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom
and puts praise on display before the nations.AND SO IT IS.
HOW I COULD RISE FROM THE ASHES OF THE WORLD
AND BE CROWNED WITH THE BEAUTY FOUND IN CHRIST ALONE.
