I just love this time of year…

Everyone is tearfully leaving very meaningful gratitude updates on facebook… so this is my Thanksgiving Gratitude Contribution…

I am most thankful for laughter and joy…and nothing brings me more joy than Adam Sandler’s silly songs….enjoy this hysterically inappropriate song

So, enjoy and be thankful for your health, your family, your freedom and most importantly….laughter

“I love turkey on Thanksgiving..” Adam Sandler

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ok…so this is where it is all coming from..

I have been studying passive aggressive behaviour for the last few weeks. I was doing a bible study at leadership and was looking at a worksheet designed to layout “symptoms” of spiritual and physical burnout.

There were many…
isolation in relationships..
tendency to manipulate..
people pleasing..
fear..
not focused..
defensiveness..
passive/aggressive behavior
and so on…

And as I began to self analyze the types of things that I felt were influencing some effects of dysfunction both spiritually and physically…and I really was drawn to Pass/Agress dysfunction.

I noticed I wasn’t being as direct or assertive as I usually am. Basically turning into a people pleasing-head nodding-yes maam type of person.

Which is weird…because through my transformation in Christ I have found a confidence and assertiveness of truth and purpose. So, seeing this trait really made me stop and take a moment to reflect and research.

So to make a super long story into a kind of long bible study…the bottom of the problem of balance and burnout (spiritually, physically…etc) is focus and priority.

When you are rooted and passionately focused on true purpose, life never gets a chance to burn you out or knock you off balance. aka staying in total communion with de Lordddd…

It’s like walking on a tight rope…a gazillion miles in the air…you look down…you fall…you keep your focus on your walk and mission…you succeed.

Enough with visual interpretations…

So…as I reflected in myself and sought after resources and began to be very observational of PASS/AGRESS behavior…I began to see a trend.

And the trend was so easy to see on social media sites such as facebook…where people (like myself) put their heart and thoughts in 420 characters or less…

I wonder what the percent of positive to negative status updates are made on facebook…hmmm thats another blog..

I found…as in normal human interaction…people are finding a way to generalize, harm others feelings, talk about situations that should be done face2face and really make a passive aggressive sting at people they know are reading their updates. Before social media we just gave people the silent treatment or lied to them or gossiped behind each others back…

but with facebook…we get to gossip…with a textual platform…whooo

Why have we taken a tool, like social media, that is for relationship building…and relationship networking…and turn it into a scene to passively punch jabs at people?

As conniving, manipulating and terrible as it sounds…it is actually a epidemic of relatively good people displaying some bad habits…

and so you know…I’m no saint! I am totally guilty of doing this in my past life

So where does this all come from?
Where is this rooted?

Some say it is a personality trait:
So for those who compartmentalize personalities…you may want to believe that you are just a person who does not like “conflict” or “confrontation” which are both used to describe the act of being direct or assertive.

or

In psychology…they actually list these symptoms as a personality disorder. they say “Passive-aggessive personality disorder develops as a result of a combination of genetics and environment..”

or my idea…

I think it comes from a straight up issue with self worth and self confidence.

Let me tell you…I was a hot mess before I knew Jesus..I was an insecure, self-loathing, self-hating freak. You might as well have just called me debbie downer..

But the transformation in Jesus…and finding your eternal worth in Christ just changes who you are…and who you are to the world..

A confidence rises when you know you are loved and restored by your Saviour….

and as long as I continue to seek my relationship with Him… and actively participate in a loving give & take relationship…I am consistent in my feelings of worth and self-confidence.

So to wrap this novel up…
I assesed my behavior..

I saw that I was showing signs of things that were not Christ-like..aka passive-aggressive behavior..

So I checked my worth…looked the proverbial mirror..and sized up how I was feeling about myself.

I saw that I had let some thoughts of the world seep in..and a pity party emerging…

And it all stemmed back to the amount of time I was investing in my relationship with Christ…

So I did something about it and committed to beginning and ending my day with Him.

So I guess, I just wanted to help you too…

If you see signs that you are doing some passive aggressive stuff…leaving P/A facebook updates…not being direct with your spouse, friends or family…and you want to regain a sense of worth…and confidence..

just stop.

plain and simple.

stop.

It isn’t helping you…and its not helping your situation.

Be assertive, be confident…you are a Child of God.

If your motive is of love and truth…be honest, be direct…its the only you can make a change.

Ok…I’m done preaching! I hope this gives you insight as to why someone is behaving PA to you or give you insight to change your PA behavior…!

If you have questions of what it looks like to know and learn about transforming your self confidence and finding your worth in Christ…I would love to speak with you!

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I just saw this and had to share it with you….I’m sure you know I am huge ole Conservative and this article is just so humerous..ish…

By the way..I am now accepting nominations for my peace prize..I also have a vision for world peace…is that good enough?

Enjoy this article!

Tommy De Seno writes….

From- FOXNews.com

On- October 09, 2009

How to Win the Nobel Peace Prize In 12 Days

Let’s take a look at the president’s first 12 days in the White House according to his public schedule to see what he did to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.

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There is something about this song.

I was listening to music tonight as I was trying to fall asleep on my mobile pandora for blackberry.

Even though I heard this song a ton when I was growing up…”In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, I just heard it differently.  I dont know if it is Sara Barielles rawness or passion that made it sound differently to me, or if I was just in place where I could feel it differently.

(You should check out the LYRICS sometime and just read them line by line.)

I just felt the Lord speaking to me through this song tonight.  Do you ever feel so lost that you do not know what to pray?  Where to even start?  This first part of the song spoke for me….

“Love
I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away I drive off in my car
But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are”

This feeling that I have been going through…was articulated so well.  And even more so in Proverbs 3:5-6…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart….He will make your paths straight.”

No matter when I go through junk that leaves me feeling empty and lost…I end up running back to His place, His presence.  To make sure that the place I seek is the straight path to His divine will.

I sigh.  I get it God.  Draw me near.

“But, all my instincts – they return
The grand facade so soon will burn
Without a noise – without my pride
I reach out from the inside”

Everything I know.  Everything I have known returns.  My pride is my greatest enemy.  Forgive me Father.  How exhausting it is to walk around with the facade of strength and an appearance that I have it all together.  I have become shameful of my burdens and I have dropped my head to stare at the ground.  Why is it so hard to find this brokenness, to “Reach out from the inside..” ?  “Without a noise, without my pride…” God I give it all to you.

And Jesus said,

²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I ache for this rest.

In your eyes – the light, the heat
I am complete in your eyes
See the doorways of a thousand churches in your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searching
In Your Eyes

I am not my job,  I am not my debt, I am not perfect, I am not lost,  I am not my status, I am not single forever, I am not of this world, I am not made complete in the eyes of this world.  I am complete in You, Lord.  I am complete in Your eyes.  I return to the resolution of all my fruitless searching.  Because,

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Lord, I pray that now and through this transition in my life, and you reading this, that we get lost in Love.  Not Lost in our faith.

“In Your Eyes

Love
I get so lost, sometimes”

Lord, I thank you for clinging on to us, for making us complete in your Son.  I pray that we continue to seek Your eyes, to see the world like You do.  Because it is in Your Eyes, that we can truly see….Love.

Thank you for restoring me, giving us rest and breaking the facade of pride.

It is in You I find resolution.

Hallelujah & Amen.

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Ahhh Vacation.

Time away.

Away from the noisiness of everyday life…the interruptions, distractions, day-to-day stress and a time for true relaxation.

As you may know, I have a hard time relaxing.  But as soon as pull down that tree covered highway, see the glistening sun shining off of the lake, I begin to allow the peace wash away worries and true restoration begins.

I’m so blessed by this place, a small lake in Michigan with a quaint and cozy cottage, equipped with a ton of charm and memories to fill a lifetime.  This place is owned by my good friend Jessica’s family.  Ever since college, we have been coming up here to enjoy the scenery, enjoy time together and really unwind.

This place has served as a refuge for us to gain perspective and really take a look into our lives.  There is just something about this place that allows you to see things in a whole new way.

sunset on vacay

This picture is what I am looking at as I write.  Right where my friend Jess and her lovely boyfriend are standing, I can remember many mornings I sat in that very same place.  I sat there and prayed for guidance, clarity and direction.  It’s astounding to look back I see how much I crave this type of peace in my everyday life.  I crave to begin each day in prayer and true fascination with God’s creation and wonder.  I crave to end each day, watching the sun fade into the horizon, count my blessings and rejoice of a new day coming.

For this one week out of the year, every fall, I feel submerged in gratitude and peace.  Yet even after all these years, why have I not been able to bottle this up and have it fill my life?

I think, if I could be honest with myself, and very vulnerable to you, I believe that THIS is one of my biggest sins I currently struggle with.  I am talking about of course, the sin of placing others or things before God.  How is it possible to have a heart so on fire to serve the Lord yet allow my job  to control my daily actions?

My days do not at all parallel to what it is like here.  Normally, I wake up finally on the 2^nd snooze.  Okay, the 3^rd snooze, and rush to shower.  I am out the door with no breakfast and starved with missing my mornings with God.  I begin the day drowning in emails, problems, irritations and others problems.  I get so busy fixing things that by 2 or 3 pm I finally notice that I am physically starved and grab something really quick.  Late afternoon I am distracted by personal struggles and lose focus.  I begin a project by 5 or 6 pm and decide to hang it up for the night around 9 or 10.  I go home, eat something quick, brush my teeth, take some sleepy vitamins and crash.  I wake up about 15 times a night, and then as the sunrises, and the alarm starts to tick me off,  I do it all over again.

No wonder I feel drained!  No wonder I lose my focus…

But IF I just stayed to true to doing exactly what I know fills me up and brings me peace each and everyday, I would allow my job or others come before my relationship with the Lord.  TIME is certainly the most valuable thing on this Earth.  So why do I not give my treasure to the One that matters most.

As I watch the sun go down tonight, I meditate on the reasons WHY I allow this sin into my life.  I am praying for you and me this evening.  Allow God to pour into our hearts.  To take the blinders off and allow us to see exactly what is that we need to see so that we are blessed by His presence, His purpose, His Plan and of His peace.  Not only when we are secluded from the crazy world, on vacation or wherever,  but when we are in the midst of stressful loud days.

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I know about a gazillion people that are looking for a new job right now.

Some are laid off and some are tired of the crap and ready for a change.

So they ask me “Hey Melissa, can you take a look at my resume?”

I think since they know I am a writer that I automatically know how to write everything. Including resumes and cover letters.

Well, I didn’t.  And had too much pride to tell her otherwise…so I asked around, got resourceful and found something to teach me how to write cover letters correctly and effectively!

When it comes to resumes I dont think they matter as much as the COVER LETTER.

See, the cover letter is the appetizer to the resume.  If you cant market yourself enough to the hiring manager that you deserve another 45 seconds of their time to skim over your resume than it doesn’t matter if your resume said you deal drugs illegally.

See, there is a special formula and a way to make your cover letter rock so that employers want to read every detail of your resume and then pinch themselves to see if you are true…

well not maybe that dramatic….but you get the idea.

I found a cover letter training course online that is really good. (and cheap…40 buckeroos is all it was!!  I split the cost of it with one of my friends)

I wrote a SUPER RAD cover letter for her that won her a ….dum dum dummmmm…

An interview!  wooot!

So this system makes me feel like I am a cover letter queen now!

So you should check it out if you are looking for a jobby job and you are getting ZERO call backs or requests for an interview!  What could it hurt eh? Hiring me to do it is double that cost!

Save money, do it on your own…

Stay away from the starbucks this week,

make your own bean, save 40 bucks and spend this on yourself, its well worth it!!!

Good Luck on your Job search and let me know if you need any help writing!

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Whoo thats a harsh title and

its not all that serious….

but it does annoy me a bit…enough to write about at least..let me help ya’ll out a bit…

Is auto-follow and auto DM’s the right thing to do anyway?

??? Not the space for this debate…!!!

So for those of you that do auto follow

and DO AUTO Direct Message…

Here are some pointers so you do not get UNFOLLOWED and tick off your new followerrs!

Many of you fellow twitter users use tweetlater.com or some other tool to do your auto-following and auto-DMing (is that a word?  it is now!)

And what you place as your auto message should not be taken lightly.

It can be what makes or breaks your twitter success.

What if I met you at the coffee shop and in the same breath you said “hello” you asked me to give you my information or worse yet, ask me to buy whatever you are selling,….grrr… I may tell you to go fly a kite….

a metal kite…

in a torrential thunderstorm…

wearing a metal suit…

NO I wouldn’t say that…but seriously though…who does that?

-if you wouldnt do it in person why do you think its ok to do in twitterland?

Just because you are  hiding behind your computer screen and we are not face-to-face doesnt mean you can bypass the system of relationship building…

Which is the essence of social media DUH!

If your goal isnt to build a relationship, then you are wasting your ever-loving-time!

If you want people to follow you, who somewhat care about who you are and give a crap to read your tweets than you might want to follow some of my tips…

What not to do…

1.  Do not just say “hi” “I will follow you back too”

BLah ha..who cares?  How are you going to add value to my business or life? Why should I want to know you?  Is that all the wit, charm and creativity you have? later suckas consider yourself unfollowed

2.  Do not give me a link to go opt-in for some free gift/stuff just because I am following you.

we are all smart marketers and you are not giving me a “gift” just because…you are trying to get me on your list.  If you provide me with valuable info with your tweets I will go find you and then I’ll opt-in on my own.  Do this and consider yourself unfollowed.

3.  Do not try get me to join your stinkin MLM or pitch me to buy something from you in your auto-DM.

seriously people…are we socially inept?  would you do this in real life?  If not dont do it here.  If you can’t say something real in a auto DM that really demonstrates your effort to give, your personality and your attitude to serve…. than don’t do it at all.

Dont’ get me wrong, Im not a twitter guru yet, I dont have it ALL figured out and my DM is not perfect but it is real and it is from my heart.  It comes with no strings and pressure to connect furthur at that moment.  I respectfully earn the right to talk about the things that matter to me and get to bless folks in the process.

Here is what you can do..

1. Make it from your heart
2. Make it about them
3. Bless their life in some way
4. Be REAL, fakers need not follow back.

I learn a ton of other stuff like this from others who know what they are doing with social media….Like, my friend Perry Belcher who has it ALL figured out…has over 130,000+ people following him and out of that… 58,000 are now on his personal list email.  58,000 folks he made a relationship with and he now has their undivided attention.  He has some free training available if you want to be a successful social media person too or if you just want some better twitter training.    Here is the FREE TRAINING (you will have to opt-in to get his goods, but he has great training so its not a big deal)

What is the worse auto DM you have ever received??  Leave it in a comment!

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I am very impressed with this new program that was released today from Perry Belcher, a social media mega master.  I myself, love social media and it has came on the scene so quickly that all I have been doing is trying to keep up with everyone elses marketing efforts! and I ahave been drowning..glub glub…

I have seen Perry blow everyone else out of the water in what seems record time.  He has something like 130,000+followers using Twitter, Wordpress, YouTube, and Facebook.

CrAzY right?

And he just doesn’t have people following him all over the place, and he isn’t a social media celebrity just for fun, he is really CASHING IN and monetizing social media like you should.   He has taken 58,000 people from all the social media sites and moved them thru to his personal email list.  Which is outstanding!

I feel like i am playing “tag” in the dark as

I jump to twitter to post

and then over to my blog to write about something

and then post a cute picture on facebook

and then back to twitter to tell everyone to check out that picture

and then I update my status on facebook….and then I take a nap and cry because I am not making any money and I am tired of running in circles!

Perry gave free training prior to his big launch today and it was so VALUABLE!

He has 2 maps to connect all of the dots to keep me from getting in a dizzy social media frenzy.

He also has 2 videos that explained the awesome maps and he introduced me to so many priceless nuggets

( like my new friend ping.fm, http://su.pr, and others!!)

(this tool will save me at least 5hours a week….and its free…ohyey!)

This is where you get the free training…..CLICK THIS…or.. CLICK THAT….

It’s free training and you can check out his new product too.

Let me know what the most valuable thing is that you learn from this!!!

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Previously I asked for help in trying to win my first freelancing gig using the popular sites elance.com and guru.com.  Though I have yet to receive feedback for those sites, I have been instructed to use rentacoder.com.

I really like this site so far.  It has many more opportunities than I thought they would have.

I have been placing bids, and at times feeling like I am selling myself short in an effort to just win a stinkin’ bid!  Not a good strategy!

whats a girl got to do?

So I researched what others have done to win and found a few tips and tricks that I will be using this week to win my first freelancing job!!!

1. I will ask questions and get the full scope of the project before I place a monetary bid.  If they do not respond then I will bid.  Seems simple enough eh?  (previously I have been shooting out low bids like some sort of weird ebay strategy…that’s obviously not working!!)

2.  Once they answer my questions, I will make sure my bid is human!  Not robotic!  Instead of a generic text I will use the questions they answered and the scope of the details for the project.  I want them to know I am a real person and I have read and considered the proposal thoroughly!

I will use these 2 tips this week and report how they work!

Do you have tips and tricks you use to win freelancing bids or are you someone who outsources projects on these sites?

Leave your suggestions below!

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My name is Melissa…and this is my first mission..

(…in case you missed it, or just stumpled upon me…I’m on a mission to attain financial, physical and spiritual freedom….and I intend to share my findings and map for anyone else that has a passion to attain the same!! can you help me complete my mission?)

MISSION #1.  Get WIN a freelancing bid on elance.com or guru.com

So here’s the deal…not to toot my own horn..but I have some SWEET marketing skills!

What I suck at it apparently marketing myself!!!  Why is it sooooo hard?

I want to make extra money (just like everyone else) doing things I love!

What I love:

Writing of all kinds…creative, technical, content, articles…the list goes on

All E-commerce stuff

Every facet of internet marketing!

long runs on the beach…(oh wait, worng place for that…oops)

So, I have recommmended to use elance.com and guru.com to acquire paying jobs….but I came across a little problem..

NO ONE accepts my bids..

wah wah poor me right?

<insert one streaming tear hear>

But I think my problem is that I dont know the “game.”

So I am reaching out to you, to help me find a way to win my first bid on elance.com.

1. With regards to my profile…

where do I start? what do I need to make sure I do?

2.  I have never been paid, not once, so I have no history…how do I compete over people who are “freelancing professionals?”

3.  What areas of elance.com are “underserved” where can I position myself where others may not (since I have a very broad spectrum of expertise).

Thanks for helping me with my first mission!

________________________________________

1. twitter friend, @leoquinn suggested trying rentacoder.com   so i will try that and let you know how that goes!!

He also told me to check out this new way of making local profits in yout own backyard!…  CLICK HERE to learn more about this!!

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