Life after a divorce.. well, sort of….

Posted by on Jun 19, 2012 in Mission: Get Inspired, News | 0 comments

Life after a divorce.. well, sort of….

After college, it began.

An unhealthy relationship… with my career.

An obsession, a distraction, an affair that took away for other parts of my life.

If I was married, I was married to my job.

 

Scripture says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  My busy work days, long hours and obsession to learn was the center of my life— while trying to serve and love the Lord with whatever I had leftover to give.  I put my worth in my value to my employer and the “job well done.”  I loved my job and my job was my lover.

 

And then one day last spring, my lover left me.

Unexpectedly.

Alone.

Scared.

Doubtful.

Angry.

Sad.

 

It was one of those tragic breakups, they call them a “lay-off” in modern day, or a “it’s not you.. it’s me…” type of breakup you see on the big screen.

Except, even though I did nothing wrong…I was wrecked with anxiety and doubt…. an underlying fear that no one would value my work again…I wasn’t marketable, needed, wanted, so easily disposable…

 

I had put all my apples in one cart, so to speak, and I felt much like applesauce after that day I was let go– I have been trying to clean up that mess– by myself– since then….

After I hung up the phone…I sat still not being able to move… I felt like I just got served Divorce papers….I was not sure what to do next…..  so I did all that I knew how to…and what was most natural… I went into clean up & survival mode…

Living a checklist…

Resume updating(groan)

Filing for unemployment (gag)

Job searching (feeling under qualified for everything)

Going on interviews (stress)

Faking Confidence (exhausting)

Putting on a brave face for Friends/Fam (should get an emmy)

Feeling Desperate and Rejected (merr)

Getting a job (yey)

Figuring out the new job (still in process)

Not dealing with the turmoil in the depth of my heart…(until now..)

 

The turmoil that I had no value, that I was disposable, had no confidence, no direction, not trusting the Lords plan…were all a bitter representation of the condition of my heart.

My brain knows His word– His promises– but my spirit was lost at sea in some sick distortion of who I really was.

 

It sounds so dramatic, I know,  but I promise you, something like this will knock the wind out of your sails  if you are not completely rooted in the knowledge, trust & grace of Jesus… if you bury your treasure in your paycheck, be ready to perish spiritually if it floats away.

Its been almost a full  year of being employed, to finally now, be able to feel like there is a breeze in the air…that, I am on my way to healing from this unexpected break-up, and that I am not afraid to get back in the water and sail again.

The more I lean into His promises, and seek where my true worth lies, the more I see what a fool I was and how much of life I was missing out on.

 

My caution to you is this, whether its your job, a relationship, your income, your hobbies.. whatever it is.. examine where you bury your treasure, where you get your worth, your value, where you spend your time, your talents, your money… are they serving you?  Or are you serving them?

 

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:19-24)”

Love to You,

M

p.s.  I don’t make light on my analogy to divorce.  Though I hope to never experience one…. I can imagine, that both very different, share similar feelings of loss and confusion of self.  In an effort to be sensitive to those going through/gone through a real Divorce, I wanted to clarify my parallel and express my desire to hold you in prayer as you continue to mend as well.  <3

Facebook Twitter Linkedin Stumbleupon Email