Mission: Day 10 of unemployment… a lesson in HUMILITY

Posted by on Apr 11, 2011 in Mission: Get Inspired | 0 comments

Mission:  Day 10 of unemployment… a lesson in HUMILITY

It was just 10 days ago, when I got the call that it would be my last day…

Now, after the dust has settled and all loose ends have been tied up.. I am left still feeling peaceful and hopeful.

yet the last few days I have noticed some unsettling feelings…

 

Everything that was comfortable is now gone.  I feel like I am in a new place. But not so new.. its familiar.

Not the confines of my comfy company vehicle, comfy salary, comfy schedule and comfy life…. but in a place much like a wilderness.  I little foggy and unclear how to traverse this path…

Yet, I don’t feel lost or scared… because I have been here before.  I sure do not feel alone.  This time, I am not scared of venturing this path and exploring this new unknown.  But the familiarity is nauseating…

 

Before, I was fearful.

Fearful of failure, fearful of success.

Fearful of being poor and not having any money.

Fearful of being wealthy and gaining the world.

Too scared to step forward and too shameful to step backward.

Anxious of the unknown.  Full of self righteousness, shame and pride.

 

Even though this time I am not afraid…I continue to walk by all the reminders of my past.

It makes me stop and pause…take a second look and really check my heart.

These small reminders make me evaluate just who do I think I am in Christ now.

Am I desensitized to the trauma? Or has the Holy Spirit changed my heart and increased my vision of who I am?

 

 

For example,  I spoke about my new comfy company car that is no more.  I still have my car from college.  A little civic with 130,000 miles.  It’s old but it is trusty. I am so blessed that it is here or I would be walking :)

This is silly… But, when I got out of the car at the gym, I went to “click” my keys to lock it up, and remembered that it doesn’t have key fab.  As I fumbled around to lock my car the right way.. I was lost in my thoughts and almost got hit  by a new whit, comfy Mercedes.  Ugh.  I know that feeling.  For a moment, it made me feel weird.  Made me feel embarrassed for some reason. I saw a flash of fear from the past about all the things that used to make me feel small and unsuccessful.  And back then, I thought having a really nice car was a barometer for success and happiness. I totally know better and that ideal is not ideal.  But these feelings just seemed to appear out of some crazy place in my weak frame.

As I ran on the treadmill I prayed and prayed.  This pop up of discouragement is surly not from a holy place and I will not let seeds of doubt take root and grow.

God whispered the word… HUMILITY… and though I know the definition, much like you… He was more concerened with its antonym…

PRIDE.

yuck.

I am receiving  (and clinging to) His grace and peace through this… but, there must be something I am holding onto to allow these small prideful moments to bubble up. Only by faith in God can we truly receive God’s blessings. Pride is having faith in yourself and your own control. Faith in God is not faith in yourself.

JAMES 4:6
6 . . .”God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

I pray that God increases my Faith — and that I continue to receive His grace.  And that these moments are opportunities for receive grace and humility and not let pride/shame grow.

 

I have applied to jobs all over the country and posted my resume on numerous job boards and websites.

(would you like a list of all the websites I have found where jobs are posted??)

This past week, one of the girls at my Bible study said: “God can only steer a moving ship”

I liked that visual.

So I keep moving forward, seeking and searching and allowing Him to move & steer.  I wait on the Lord.  I trust in His provision.  I am not complete and I realize that. He wants my whole heart and will not relent until He has it all.  Break my pride and increase my faith.  Please pray for me and let me know if you need prayer in this area too!

Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

 

 

Love yall!

X0X0

<3 M

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